What is cheese, anyway?

Way-aye, Roscoe here.

I’ve had a busy week, as usual, and Mam’s been busy either going out for walks, or on the computer (and talking to people, or them talking to her), or in the garden. And some of the things she’s been doing on her computer have been looking at vegetable seeds, and garden runs for us, and looking at cottages in a place called the Peak District. She’s bought some fennel, cucumber and green manure seeds, and something to help the grass grow. And cottages aren’t until October, apparently.

I was getting my hopes up when I saw her going outside with just a sweater over her indoors clothes. It was a lovely sunny day, so I thought it might be grass time. She saw my look, and said no, it’s much too cold, and the ground is very wet. But she brought us in a few leaves, celeriac leaves and kale and chervil from the veggie patch, and some dandelion and groundsel from the front. She says there’s hardly any dandelion around. It seems to be hiding.

And as I couldn’t think of anything else to talk about this week, I thought I’d ask her the same questions you wanted me to ask us last autumn. So this is what she said.

1 What do you like best for food?

I like cheese most, it’s my very favourite food. You wouldn’t like it though, Roscoe, it’s made from cow’s milk. Or sheep’s milk, or goat’s. It’s why I put on weight: I eat too much of it. I also like salad, so I’m with you there, and several other veggies that you don’t like, some because they are not good for you. I don’t know why you don’t like the others, but we all have our preferences.

Like what, I asked

Well, tomatoes, for a start.


2 What do you like the least that your mum has to do to care for you? I suppose that you do to care for yourself.

Hmm, well I suppose it’s nail trimming for me, too. For me it’s just hard to do, especially my feet, because they are a long way away and my arms aren’t long enough to reach easily.

3 When do you get excited and make loud noises?

Mainly when one of the racehorses I like is running, and has a chance of winning. Some of the other loud noises I make are called ‘singing’, but I don’t get excited with that.

4 Have you always been called Mam?

No, you were the first to call me ‘Mam’. Most of the boys call me Mummy if they call me anything. And most people call me by my first name.

4a So have you changed your name or left it as it is.

When I started writing, I was told that if you googled your name and it brought up things you wouldn’t want your readers to see, then take a pen name. So I have at least three names I answer to.

5 What’s your least favourite food, and is there a food you really ought to eat that you dislike?

I like nearly every vegetable, although I don’t like swede (which is a type of beet, I think Auntie Noelle knows it as rutabaga). I was very noble and tried it on some of the other piggies, and they didn’t like it either, so I don’t have to buy it. Or turnips. And aubergine doesn’t like me much, it can upset my tummy. I think it’s to do with the way it’s cooked. I don’t eat meat or fish, but cheese stops me going vegan. And I like most fruits, but don’t eat as much as I should, because I prefer chocolate, which is poisonous to you.

6 Have any of you ever had to share your homes with animals other than humans and guinea pigs? Have you ever thought of bringing something else home rather than more guinea pigs?

Ah, clever question. When I was little we had a cat, budgies, chickens, a white rat, and we looked after a rabbit when my cousins went abroad. Now this is strange, because my cousin swears she had a guinea pig called Fudge, but we definitely looked after a rabbit called Fudge. I have always wanted to have a sulphur-crested cockatoo, which is a sort of parrot, but I think Auntie Dawn would say NOOOO, don’t get a parrot–and she’d be right. And I often think I’d like a dog, but really, I’d rather have guinea pigs, and I don’t think dogs and guinea pigs are a good mix. So I think you’re safe as you are, Roscoe. Unless I get a bearded dragon… or a chameleon… but they need special habitats, and I don’t think we’ve got room.

Gosh, thanks, Mam. That’s really interesting!

And then Mam told me about a funny thing in a book she’s reading this week, where some people on a planet far away are all different species of space travellers, and they are discussing the disgusting thing that humans make with milk–and not even their own milk … cheese!

I think those people are probably right. Cheese sounds and smells very suspicious to me. See you next time.


Roscoe xxxxx

Noisy week!

Way-aye, Roscoe here again.

Was it noisy where you are? It was noisy here. Fireworks at night, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. No idea why. Mam was watching the guys sliding down hills all day, every day (well, mostly). The man telling us who was who and how far they’d gone.

It was all a bit too noisy for me. I ended up curling up on the hay and sleeping through it.

I don’t know what Biggles did to deserve it, but he got a bath. Nobody else did, although Mam says I need my grease gland doing. Sigh. Biggles didn’t seem very happy in the bath – we heard him from here! Buthe seems very happy now. I’ll let him explain about it next week. There must be an explanation. Mam wouldn’t up and bath just one of us for no reason.

You can see we’re in January now. All the Christmas decorations have come down. Save for the Christmas tree. Mam says she’ll take that down tomorrow, in time for Twelfth Night, or whatever you want to call it. She had to go to the doctor again today, and she wasn’t sure whether she’d have to look after her eye for a few days, so she got the tinsel and things like that down early. She warned us last night that she might not have time to cuddle us properly today, but she’ll give us breakfast before she leaves. Which is a few minutes after I post this. So she hasn’t cuddled us, but we’re getting breakfast. Good priorities, Mam.

I hope you had a happy new year celebration, and made lots of resolutions that you’ve already broken. We had a nice time with Mam, until the fireworks started. Well, they started about six, and went on till well after midnight. Then Mam went to bed and another lot started. But we’re all used to them now. They aren’t as loud as the hairdryer Mam used on Biggles!

That’s it for now, see you next time.


Roscoe xxxxx

Hampshire 5 at Christmas

What are you doing for Christmas?

Way-aye, Roscoe here. It was good to have a week off last week, and I reckon Biggles did a great job, don’t you?

I’ve been busy turning up at other people’s Christmas parties. There’s this one with Auntie Sally, and this one with Auntie Sue (who we’re busy Thinking To, as well as to Auntie Mary), and her dog Ani. And Mollie’s friend Lilie was with Ani too.

We were all set for a happy Christmas, with Uncle James coming to stay, and us finding room for the extra hay boxes that are staying in his room to come into ours. Then somebody that keeps changing his mind decided we couldn’t have him to stay because he’s in a different area from us.

Mam’s a little down in the dumps, but she was very good yesterday. She told me she didn’t want to do anything, but she ought to go out for her in-the-woods competition. It’s got a proper name but I forget it. Anyway, it was a sunny day, so she went. She told me she was glad she had and she really enjoyed it. And her friend Mary couldn’t get any parsnips, and we’ve got plenty, so Mary is getting some of our parsnips. Mam likes them, but we don’t.

Mam spent most of the weekend watching her moving pictures that talk to her, some with horses, some with snow and ice, and some with dancing. The dancing was exceptionally brilliant, and she said the two best dances she’s ever seen on it were done on Saturday. So she’s keeping herself busy, and reorganising all her food schedules, now she’s going to be here with us, and nobody else.

Our food has been a little sparse the last couple of days. Short of green leaves, that is. We’ve had more carrot to make up for it, because Mam’s usually very stingy with our carrot portions. She says it makes us put on weight. I think she’s got lots of carrots, and lots of other veg we don’t eat, so she’s working out how to keep us in lettuce and cucumber over the next week. But in the new year she says we may well have to go without bought lettuce on several days. She’s saving our veggie patch veggies for then.

our veggie patch in summer
Our veggie patch in summer

I asked if it was the avirus that was killing the lettuces, and she says no, that’s just killing Christmas get-togethers. It’s the Exit that’s killing the lettuces. She’s been planning for the Exit, but she can’t store fresh lettuces for weeks for us. And one of her pots of lettuces she was trying to grow over winter died last night. There are others that are growing, though. We might get a leaf every now and then. But we’ve got plenty of hay, pellets and readigrass, so we won’t starve.

And we may still have our Christmas party, if Mam can remember what she did with our Christmas pudding.

It’s behind you, Mam!

(That’s from a pantomime, which is a traditional Christmas play).

Anyhow, that’s what we’re doing at Christmas. Well, what we’re not doing. Everything else will happen unintentionally. It’s called Improvisation, and we’ll enjoy it.

I hope you have a good Christmas.




PS Mollie, thanks for taking the trouble to comment on last week’s post, I reckon that means your Mam’s move has gone okay.


Busy week for Mam and me

Way-aye, Roscoe here again. I hope you enjoyed our Biggles first post last week. I think he did a grand job.

This week has been full of stuff. Most days Mam had a person on her computer talking to her. Well, different people, and sometimes they showed pictures of birds. Apparently they can track birds with a little teeny blob that sits on their ankle joint, or maybe it’s their elbow. And they work out where they fish so humans can protect those areas, and where they fly to in winter, and all sorts. See, I was listening, Mam.

Mam seems fine after her eye operation. She had a patch over her eye at night, well, she had it on first thing in the morning when she said hello to us, and then took it off in her bathroom. She isn’t wearing it now, so I suppose enough time has gone by. She’s been wearing all sorts of different glasses on her nose, too. She seems to have settle on one very light pair that she looks over the top of when she looks at us. And she trimmed our nails on Saturday with very little fumbling! I heard her tell Neville off for squeaking when she was nowhere near hurting him. He told me he didn’t believe she could do it without getting even a little bit close to hurting. Not a really bad hurt, mind.

What else. Oh, some men came one afternoon and went round all the doors telling each other numbers. Mam says they’re coming back this week to put in new doors leading onto the hall, which is the central corridor. If they have to make a lot of noise she’ll put us in our boxes and move us to the quietest room. She’s good that way, isn’t she?

And we’ve made our Facebook page all Christmassy, and I’m there in my hat, and you can see this is all nice and festive, with an advent calendar of boars in Christmas hats – mostly. And Mam’s made the special Christmas tree up in the living room. I checked it over this morning, and it looks very nice.

Ooh, look, the tree has all the dangly things of us boys, and mine’s on the right!

And now….

Our Official Christmas Photograph!

Have a nice week, and I’ll send Biggles back to talk to you next week.


Roscoe xxxx

We’ve been busy this week

Way-aye, Roscoe here.

I was going to tell you so many things about our week, but now I’ve forgotten most of them. The two most important are these:

Mam and I discussed the blog, and decided to invite Biggles to join me as co-presenter. He said yes, as long as I showed him what to do, so I’m showing him right now.

It’s a good one to show him because we have NEW PHOTOS!

Yes we had our Christmas Photoshoot yesterday. I thought it was going to be really boring at first. Mam took me through to the other room where we have our cuddles, and gave me a brush to make my coat look good. Then she sat me down on the red towel, which had been specially washed. And there was a spotlight all set up, and decorations around the set, and it looked really nice.

Then I thought, oh no, it’s the silly hat again. But she fooled me and took the first photos without it. There’s one of my best side with me looking really cool.

Roscoe Nov 2020

Then she brought Nev in, and we did the joint silly hats thing. Nev doesnt mind, but I threw mine off eventually. Mam said it was the best one of Neville, so she’s cropped my blurred image out of it. Sounds good to me.

Then Biggles came to join us. Do you want to do this bit?

Okay then. Yes, I came to join them, but I didn’t do hats till later, because there are only two hats, I think. Mummy took a nice photo of the three of us under the wreath. Then Mummy went and got the two new boys.

Neville, Roscoe and Biggles, Nov 2020

Yes, Ludo and Locksley. She had a right time with them, because she wanted to bring them in their box. We could hear her talking to them, I think Locksley jumped out and tried to hide away.

Ludo said he thought if they went in the box they were going back to the rescue. But they didn’t.

Ah, I see that. Not a silly thought, really. They’ve probably been here about the time they were in foster, so he thought he’d be on the move again. Well, they got moved all the way to the front room. I reckon Mam wanted to make sure she could put them somewhere safe if there was any trouble.

Do you think she was surprised we all got on so well?

I think she was delighted. She was really pleased with the photos she took, and said we, that’s you and me, did very well at getting them to sit nicely.

Yes, you calmed Ludo down well, and Locksley needed just a little bit of encouragement to come out of the corner and sit with us.

They’re nice boys, very polite. And then we came back to our run.

Have you noticed how hairy Locksley’s getting? He’s got longer hair than me. Oh, then I stayed and had my hat photo taken, and then Ludo and Locksley had their hat photo taken. What does Mummy do with the photos?

We’ll put them on here at Christmas time. She says I can post these ones today though.

I was going to tell you about the rest of the week but I can’t remember what happened now. Oh, Neville had his hair cut. Mam talked on the phone a lot, or to the computer. I can’t remember what it was about. Maybe one of us will tell you next week.

Have a good week yourself,


Roscoe xxxxx

and Biggles

Yes, and Biggles.

What happens now?

We put the photos in, and then we set it up to get published. Watch carefully, you’ll be doing it next week.

Just another November week

Way-aye, Roscoe here. It’s still November.

We had plenty more wild wind and rain beating on our house and windows this week. But we also had two really nice days. On one of them the builders came back to fix the summerhouse roof. Well, they arrived when it was still raining, but it got sunny just about as they were thoroughly wet. It meant the summerhouse roof got fixed, and shouldn’t ever leak again.

Our hay is still in the spare room, where it got nice and dry. Mam said it’s not going in the summerhouse until it looks really dry in there. I hope it’s ready by the time Uncle James comes to stay otherwise he’ll have to sleep with the hay boxes! I’m sure Mam wouldn’t make him do that, though.

We’ve got a HayBox delivery coming tomorrow. It’s worked really well having it every five weeks, as we’ve just about finished this last box, but not quite. Mam’s been taking photos of us enjoying our hay to send to them. I think they like putting pictures of happy customers on their website.

Another website you might find photos of us on, is Ani’s blog ‘A Small Dog: Life at the Tail End.‘ Mam’s added her to our list at the side, so we can visit her easily. Ani’s doing something called an Advent Calendar, and I’ve written a blog post about us for her. Mostly about our amazing year and all the problems we’ve had with moving and Bertie and everything. I hope people enjoy reading it. But Ani’s blogging about her amazing Mam and the troubles she’s having at the moment. I hope nothing like that happens to our Mam.

We’re lucky we’re all settled now, although war broke out last night because Ludo was still contemplating his piece of cucumber when Locksley came round and stole it from him! Well, it wasn’t really war, Ludo was pretty upset and chased him a bit, but Mam took it off Locksley and gave it back to Ludo. I don’t know whether he ever finished it, though.

Mam says Ludo isn’t the most eager guinea pig she’s ever known, but she reckons he does like cucumber. Just takes his time in taking it from her. Once he takes his first piece in the morning, though, he doesn’t waste any time taking the second or third.

I think that’s about it. No idea why we had fireworks again on Saturday and Sunday. Mam was a bit cross about it. But there’s nothing to be done, and they weren’t those ones that just go bang…bang… bang which we used to hear in Norfolk. These go whoosh crackle crackle, and only sometimes go bang. I hope those are the last of them till Christmas.

We’re having our Christmas photos taken soon. It’s earlier than usual because one of the pictures has to go to Ani to go with my blog post. Maybe I’ll be able to give you a preview next week!

Till then, keep safe, love

Roscoe xxxxx